wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
