Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
