The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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