i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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