put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
