haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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