i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
