Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
