so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
