I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
