Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
