there's paper in my vomit.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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