halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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