summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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