i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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