I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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