so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
