That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want to make out with him forever
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
