You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
