I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
