sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
