i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
