ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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