You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
