Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
