You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
