he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
