well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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