those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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