im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
