Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
