we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
