How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
