I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
