I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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