He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
