he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
