Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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