My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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