we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
