And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
