Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
