i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
