My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
