So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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