What a fucking waste of an outfit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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