Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
