Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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