Pregnant stripper...not hot.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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