sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
