I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
