So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
